Mr. Rodebaugh taught sophomore English. Hailing from the Deep South, he spoke in the accents of a Mississippi Queen. He taught us without disdain, as if we were qualified to learn everything, and made no attempt to be standard. He assumed we either shared or accepted his traits and proclivities. Mordant. Urbane. Popping amyl at the disco. He didn’t pretend we were innocent. We didn’t feign ignorance.

He would often tell us serpentine, off-color jokes full of plump, decadent words like “pendulous” and “appendages.” We laughed until we fell out of our chairs. Purple fits of beatific disbelief. He would have been fired in two minutes today, but in the mid-1970s, education was free.

Mr. Rodebaugh idolized William Faulkner. I don’t recall studying any other author in his class. When he declaimed his favorite passages from Abasalom, Absalom! his voice dripped Spanish moss. He then would have us mimic Faulkner’s style, on paper. Two other smarty pants and I could not get enough of those semi-colons, dashes, or colons. We strung gerunds and infinitives together in strange, elliptically looping sequences. We created labyrinths in which to lose the unwary. We competed against one another. Who would come up with the most recondite phrase this period?

We had to read our efforts aloud to the class. Could we translate these constructions into air without twisting our tongues? That was the true language test.

Mr. Rodebaugh always had something subjective to say when we stood up in turn. These comments were not encouraging. Uncivil, even. But the tone in which he delivered his slurs was aloof. Lofty and supremely objective. It delighted us. “Miss Rust,” he would intone as I cleared my throat, “You dress like a rag picker.” This memory still makes me happy.

How much easier it would be if beauty were only skin deep and we could all just follow simple daily instructions to achieve it! Below is some advice from the back of another old box of powder.

Dear Madam,

Don’t expect best results unless you follow these directions. First cleanse face and neck with Lady Esther 4-Purpose Face Cream. No powder base is necessary. My powder will cling for 4 hours. Smooth on lightly with clean puff. And don’t forget your neck. A contrast between face and neck spoils your appearance. Always remove old make-up with Lady Esther Cream before applying new. Keep a small jar with you for mid-day cleansing. Note the refreshed feeling it gives. See how much better your powder blends and stays on.

Cordially, Lady Esther

Who is Lady Esther? What does she look like? Is she a fairy godmother? Is she nice to her lap dogs? Wouldn’t it be fun to invite her to tea and pump her for even more guidance?

Lady Esther, by Mildred Bailey Carpenter

Your curiosity is in luck!

Lady Esther has cordially consented to write a beauty advice column for Puff Updater. We’re thrilled. She knows everything about cosmetics and accessories. And, as an aristocrat of a certain age, she knows how to use exclamation points without being girlish or common.

 

Hey where did all my words go? They were here, and then they were gonesville. I can’t even remember what I wrote. It was something about seeing a midnight show in technicolor through my fingertips instead of my eyeballs.

Okay, then it was something about Cheetos and cats. It was important, and now it’s gone. Like so many bits and pieces of being alive.

Only a Big Head can wear this hat!

Puff Updates

This is a test post to try to figure out what the heck I am doing. A great way to waste time is to start a new blog on a platform you are unfamiliar with, and then try to link it up to a domain name you already own, in this case, puffupdater.com. I had it on Square for a while but then that lapsed and here we are in WordPress land. Let’s explore the concept of “puffery” through the ages. Then — we shall see what happens next!